Fakespeare--Star-Crossed in Romeo and Juliet Read online

  Watching him dodge flying tomatoes reminded Becca of when Mal and Cal Worthy accidentally dimension-warped into the middle of a meteor shower. Mal had had to do some fancy spaceship flying to avoid the missiles while Cal battled with the nefarious Professor Mackerel.

  The Capulets fought back, throwing anything they could get their hands on. Tybalt directed a bunch of them to form a shield wall with dessert platters.

  But no Capulet was as ferocious as Juliet Capulet.

  She charged into the fight, as quick as a cobra. She caught tomatoes in midair and zinged them back with a terrifying ferocity. As she fought, she spat a series of shrieking battle cries, comparing the Montagues to everything from disgusting swamp leeches to morning eye crust.

  This was the kind of character Becca knew had to be in the next installment of Mal & Cal Worthy. Kyle would have a ton of fun drawing a warrior who could insult people until their heads exploded.

  That is, he would if she ever got home again.

  What had been a triumphant celebration had become an all-out battle. If Romeo hadn’t been unmasked, Mercutio’s pranks would have happened later and Romeo could have met Juliet. If only Becca had listened to the advice of the very wise and very helpful Narrator …

  “Helpful?” Becca said. “You brought us here!”

  “No, I didn’t!” Romeo said. “This was Mercutio’s idea!”

  “I’m not talking to you,” Becca said.

  “Oh.” Romeo looked around. “Who, uh…”

  “It’s not important,” Becca said.

  And now she was confusing a main character, all because of her sad frustration with—

  “Don’t you dare,” Becca said. “You helped set all this up, and you’re loving every second of it.”

  Well, who doesn’t love a good action scene? And that Juliet: so ferocious! Boldly trying to avenge her ruined party.

  “Wait, that’s it!” Becca said. She shook Romeo, who’d clamped both hands over his head.

  “Huh?” he said. “Are we escaping now?”

  “Not just yet,” Becca said. “Do you see that girl? Juliet?” She pointed.

  Romeo peeked out. “The girl wearing bright white, swinging Instead-Stix around like whips, and screaming at the top of her lungs? How could I not see her?”

  “You still need a date for tomorrow,” Becca said. “Juliet is smart and brave, and she’s a Capulet, so you know nobody else has asked her to a Montague party. Plus,” she added as Juliet tangled up one of Mercutio’s pranksters in an Instead-Stix and pulled him right off his feet, “look how furious she is that Montagues snuck into her party. Don’t you think she’d love, just love, the chance to get back at them by sneaking into their party?”

  She watched Romeo’s face as he watched Juliet. She could practically see him connecting the dots.

  “She’s perfect,” he breathed. “Unless she murders me first because I’m a Montague.”

  “One problem at a time,” Becca said cheerfully. “Now let’s go get you a date!”

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  PIZZA CHAIN OF COMMAND

  “Come on,” Becca whispered to a shaking Rufus. He was trembling so hard, the table that hid them shook, too.

  It seemed there was a new (and only) food he didn’t like: tomatoes.

  “New plan!” Sam said, running back to the table as Becca helped Romeo and Rufus out from under it. “Mercutio’s jumping around like a baboon on five espressos. I can’t catch him, let alone talk to him. Oh, and when I say new plan, I mean that we need one, not that I have one.”

  “Not to worry!” Becca said. “I have one, and her name is Juliet.”

  Sam turned to look at the war queen Juliet had become.

  “Really?” he said. “Is your plan to wait until she knocks down a wall so we can run through it?”

  “No,” Becca said. “My plan is that you can convince her to help us get away, and in the process, you can say something about how great Romeo is. Then we can start them talking!”

  “Hey, Becca-breath! That’s not bad, especially from a fifth grader like you,” Sam said. “But what will we do with Romeo? I think we need to talk to her before she meets him.”

  Juliet’s Instead-Stix whip cracked over the party.

  “I’m okay hiding under the table until it’s safe,” Romeo said, and flung himself back under the buffet table.

  “That settles that,” Becca said. “Let’s go!”

  Sam led the way, hiding behind tables, statues, pillars, and decorations to get to Juliet near the main staircase. She was taking a short tomato juice break.

  “Hey, Juliet?” Sam said.

  Juliet whipped around, her eyes narrowed and her Instead-Stix raised. Her moon dress was shredded in places, and one sleeve was hanging by a single thread. Half her crescent-moon mask had been torn off, and the other half was barely on her face. But when she saw it was Sam, her face melted into a goopy grin. “Hellooooo,” she cooed.

  “Uh, hi,” Sam said. “Great party, we’re really enjoying it.”

  Juliet pouted. “It would have been better without those Montague fiends.”

  “Maybe,” Sam said. “But I heard that Romeo came here to try to stop Mercutio.”

  Juliet’s eyes narrowed. “Really?”

  “Yeah,” Becca joined in. “And now we really need to get out of here. Right, Sam?”

  “Sam,” Juliet said, smiling at him. “What a lovely name.”

  She picked up one of her Instead-Stix from the floor. “I’m afraid I’m not ready to leave just yet. I refuse to let this ambush ruin my party. It’ll ruin my family’s reputation!”

  “Reputation?” Becca said. “What does reputation matter if—”

  “What Becca means, er, sweet potato peel,” Sam interrupted, “is that I got into a little argument with Tybalt. I don’t think he likes your, um, Sammy Cakes much. In fact, he pretty much promised to shish-kebab me if he ever saw me again. So I really need your help.”

  Becca clutched her stomach. Throwing up now wouldn’t help anything, even if Juliet was fluttering her eyelashes like a nervous butterfly.

  “Samikins, don’t you worry about a thing!” She grabbed his hand and began to pull him after her. “Just follow me.”

  For a girl in a ball gown, she was surprisingly fast. Becca thought that if she went to Greenfield Elementary School, she’d have no trouble getting on the track team—or any other sports team, by the easy way she dragged Sam after her.

  As they ran up one of the broad marble staircases, Becca glanced back. Tybalt was slicing and dicing tomatoes with gusto. They were going to make it!

  But at that moment, a red lollipop, probably tomato flavored, whizzed by Rufus’s nose.

  WOOF! WOOF!

  Tybalt looked their way.

  “Go!” Becca yelled. “He spotted us!”

  Juliet took them through another doorway and up a smaller staircase, but Becca could hear Tybalt’s footsteps echoing behind them, each one louder than the last.

  Juliet flung open a big wooden door. As soon as they were all inside, she slammed it behind them, just missing Becca’s tail feathers. The lock clicked shut.

  Everything in the room was soft, bright reds, pinks, and purples. There were so many throw pillows and little blankets, it was hard to tell that the chairs and desks in the room weren’t all tiny beds.

  “Is this your room?” Becca asked, trying to picture the warrior girl she’d witnessed downstairs in this flouncy space.

  “It is,” Juliet said. “Nurse chose the decorations. She thought it’d make me more proper.”

  KNOCK KNOCK!

  “OPEN UP!” Tybalt shouted. “I KNOW YOU’RE IN THERE!”

  “Just a moment, cousin,” Juliet called. Silently, she pointed to a pair of glass doors across the room. Becca and Sam darted through them and onto a balcony. There was just enough space for them to huddle in the corner without being seen from the room. And as long as Rufus was quiet, they would be fine.

  Becca
looked at her panting dog and wished she’d thought to bring Floppy Bear, Rufus’s favorite toy. Then again, it wasn’t like they had had time to do any planning before this trip.

  She heard the door open, and a moment later a tidal wave of clashing flowers, mosses, and unidentifiable scents assaulted her nostrils. Quickly she covered Rufus’s schnoz. It wasn’t fair for him to have to deal with Tybalt’s cologne again. After all, he wasn’t the one who’d read the book!

  “What’s up?” they heard Juliet ask.

  “I thought I saw those scentless scumbags enter your room,” Tybalt snarled.

  “Are you sure your cologne is safe to wear, Tybalt? It might be making you see things.”

  “I saw what I saw. There are Montagues in this room!” A strange swishing sound followed his words, and Becca couldn’t quite place what it was.

  Remember my comment about sharp, pointy swords?

  Becca wished she didn’t know what it was. Sam’s fists clenched at his sides to stop his arms from shaking.

  Juliet snorted. “I would never be friends with a Montague. I’ve never even spoken to one before!”

  There was a huge pause. “Well, maybe they aren’t Montagues, but they work for them—and that’s almost as bad.”

  “I saw some suspicious-looking people,” Juliet said. “But they ran off toward the East Wing, I think.”

  “Bunch of unperfumed, sparrow-brained, crumbly-castled cheese thieves!” Tybalt fumed.

  “Put on some more cologne,” Juliet suggested. “That always calms you down.”

  “It doesn’t anymore,” Tybalt said. “A key ingredient in my signature scent was the delicate smell of fresh-baked pizza dough. But since the Montagues stole our dough recipe, I’ve had nothing to work with but flowers and tomato juice.” He sighed. “The current cologne just isn’t the same. See?”

  There was a soft spritzing sound, and suddenly the fumes increased tenfold. Rufus let out a small whine.

  “What was that?” Tybalt asked.

  Becca quickly scratched Rufus behind the ears. Immediately the dog relaxed, leaning into her hand, his eyes closed in bliss.

  “Just a bird,” Juliet said. “The nightingale, probably.”

  “Maybe we should have a look,” Tybalt replied.

  The footsteps started again.

  Becca and Sam looked at each other, eyes wide. There was nowhere to go but over the edge!

  Ahem! If only Becca and Sam had seen countless action movies in which the heroes boldly dangle from a ledge for dear life when it seems all hope is lost …

  Becca and Sam looked at each other and made a silent decision. Then, Sam grabbed Rufus, and all three of them swung over the stone railing.

  Becca grasped Sam’s ankle. It wasn’t a long, long way, but if she fell, she’d still get some pretty nasty bruises. Trying to remember Kyle’s illustration of Mal and Cal Worthy hanging off an ice cliff, Becca braced her legs on the wall to help support her weight, and Sam adjusted his grip on Rufus.

  “Shouldn’t you be off looking for the intruders?” Juliet said loudly from inside the room.

  “I am,” Tybalt said.

  The perfume got more intense as Tybalt’s party boots clicked on the tiled balcony.

  “He’s on the balcony!” Sam hissed. His head was barely below balcony level, and he had to duck to keep it out of sight.

  “Get down and don’t move!” Becca whisper-called back. “If we’re still, he might not notice us.”

  She was sure the pounding of her heart would give them away. Her grip weakened. Sweat rolled down her forehead. But worst of all, Rufus’s nose began to twitch.…

  “I guess it was a bird,” Tybalt finally said. The click-clacks retreated into the room, and then they heard the door slam shut.

  “That was close,” Sam said. “Let’s get off of here before Ruf—”

  ACH-WOOF!!!!!!

  The shock of Rufus’s sneeze propelled Sam right off the wall, and as he fell, his whirling arms took Becca with him.

  So it wasn’t pointy swords that would be the end of the story—just good old-fashioned gravity.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  WINTER, SPRING, SUMMER, AND …

  Arrrrooo

                                  oooooooo

                                                          oooooooooooo

  ooooooooooooo! Rufus howled as they plummeted. Becca curled herself up into a ball, hoping that would somehow cushion her.

  Ka-THUD.

  It seemed a springy bush worked almost as well as a cushion. Becca twisted and turned, trying to free herself from the leafy branches all around her.

  “That could’ve been worse,” Sam said, pretzeling around to help Rufus up.

  “And better,” Becca pointed out. “If this bush wasn’t here, we might all need body casts.”

  “But it was, and we don’t,” Sam said. “We’re all doing the best we can. Especially poor Roo. Imagine the pain Tybalt must inflict on his extra-sensitive dog nose.”

  Becca tried to wriggle her way out of the shrub. The thick branches and leaves made it really hard to move at all.

  The door to the balcony above opened again, and Becca stopped.

  “Samikins?” Juliet said, poking her head over the balcony and peering into the darkness below.

  If they were ever going to succeed at making Juliet even notice Romeo, let alone go to a dance with him, they needed to keep her away from Sam as much as possible. Becca put a finger to her lips, and Sam nodded. Juliet sighed and they heard her footsteps retreat. The door closed again.

  “I hope Romeo made it out from the party without getting skewered,” Becca said quietly.

  “Just crushed,” came a quieter voice from … underneath them.

  “AHHH!” Becca and Sam scrambled out of the bush, and Romeo toppled out after them.

  “Ow,” he moaned.

  No wonder the bush had been so cushiony. Romeo had leaves sticking out of his sleeves and tangled in his hair.

  “Sorry!” Becca said. “You okay?”

  “I’ll survive this, but not my family’s embarrassment,” he said, pulling a leaf from his hair. “My only shot at getting a date for the dance tomorrow is a Capulet. And even if she does say yes, her sword-swinging cousin will stab me!”

  “We can figure out what to do with Tybalt later,” Sam said. “But Juliet’s right up there—here’s your chance to ask her!”

  “I don’t know.…”

  “I’ll help you!” Becca said. “I’m a writer—I’m good at writing things for people to say.”

  Romeo shrugged helplessly. “I guess I may as well try. It’s not like I’ll get another chance to walk into the Capulet mansion anytime soon. Especially after the, ah, tomato incident.”

  This was it. The last chance to return to their own world. If Becca and Sam messed up, they were doomed to live in Verona … forever. And the way the feud was going, they’d never eat pizza again.

  “No pressure,” Becca whispered grumpily.

  I believe in you. That’s why I picked you.

  “If by picked you mean magically kidnapped into a city full of angry swordsmen.”

  Tomayto, tomahto.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  THE BALCONY SCENE*

  *NOT ORIGINAL FLAVOR—NEW ZESTY RANCH

  As Romeo prepared for the role of a lifetime, Becca and Sam held a whispered conference.

  “You heard what the Narrator said,” Sam said. “This is our last chance!”

  Becca wrapped her arms around herself. “I heard. If this really is our last chance, we’ll need to move quickly. Can you and Rufus get the book? It’s in my backpack next to the papier-mâché giraffe in the FFS’s cart.”

  “Why do you get to stay?” Sam asked. “I’m the one who’s good at poetry.”

  “Because it
was my idea!” Becca said. “And you’re a faster runner than me.”

  “True,” Sam said with a grin. He took off, Rufus following close behind.

  Romeo carefully pulled the sticks and leaves out of his hair and clothing. He smoothed his hair down with his hand and did his best to straighten up his posture.

  “You’re looking sharp,” Becca said to Romeo.

  “Thanks,” Romeo said. “I’ve never been a spiffy dresser like Tybalt.”

  “At least you don’t smell like a fire hose of spoiled vegetable soup hit you,” she said. “And even after falling into a bush, your clothes still aren’t as wild as Mercutio’s. I hope he made it out of there okay.”

  “I wouldn’t worry,” Romeo said, and brushed straggling plant bits from his doublet. “Mercutio’s got a knack for slipping out of dangerous places. Me, though, not so much.” He looked up at the balcony and took a deep breath.

  “I’ve got you, Romeo,” Becca said. “I’ll stay hidden down here and help you out.”

  Romeo didn’t say anything, but he flashed her a weak smile.

  The balcony stuck out a little bit from the side of the house, and Romeo took his place underneath it. Becca slowly crawled her way back into the bush, trying not to get her eyes jabbed out by friendly twigs.

  “Okay,” she said as she picked up some pebbles. “Time to get Juliet’s attention.”

  She hurled a pebble at Juliet’s window …

  … but it fell several inches short.

  “Air ball,” she muttered under her breath. This was when basketball skills finally would have come in handy.

  Taking aim again, she thought of how Sam had focused on his target, be it Capulet, Montague, or basketball hoop. She drew back her arm, and … Ker-PLUNK!

  “Ow!” A second later, Juliet appeared on the balcony, rubbing her head. “What was that for?” she demanded. “Who’s there?” She had changed out of her mostly destroyed moon dress into a bright orange-gold dress with a sun pattern. A matching mask hung around her neck.

  The torches hadn’t been lit outside, so it was too dark for Juliet to see Becca and Romeo. It was now or never!